This Old Soul

Beautiful Men

2011-03-27T21:56:00.000-06:00

Today, I learned what real beautiful men look like. They don't look, actually. What's gorgeous about them, is not how they look, but how they act. How they carry themselves. The things they say. And most importantly, how it all fits together.

I spent the day with three incredible young men; a senior, a junior, a sophomore, and me -- a freshman. It was not their physique that attracted me to them, for they are nothing remarkable. It is instinctive to immediately assess this aspect, which is a truly awful habit. It was instead how their expressions fit their words, and they use their hands and arms to emphasize the witty things flowing from their lips. Every time I laughed, every time they smiled and chuckled along, I felt this feeling in my chest. I physical feeling. It's incredible, like riding a roller coaster. I was in love.

Not the kind of love we sing in our songs. Not romantic attraction, but just an incredible joy that comes with being in their presence. Charlie's eyes, so wide and full of meaning, stopped my heart every time I looked into them. Matt's body, large and expressive. Trey's tousled hair and rueful grin were heartwarming. Yet I have no desire of romance. That, is the way of genuine love.

Now, this attraction is not physical, you say? It is not the fact that the boys have these characteristics about them, but the fluency with which they fit their nature. For example, Charlie talks with his eyes. When he tells a joke, his eyes get large and innocent, and when he laughs, they scrunch up to an impossibly small size. Matt's words are so soft and gentle, creating a naturally menacing aura, to become calm and warm. Trey has a nip to his words, and when he tears into someone, his smile always reassures a good time. I feel relaxed and at home in the company of these men, a feeling rarely experienced in the company of girls my age.

---

Tom Hanks is a handsome man, agreed? Even as he ages, he retains his youth exceedingly well. Still, age catches up to everyone. Yet, as Trey says, "Hey, stop complaining. Your husband won't be nearly as hot as Tom Hanks." He has a point. It's not that I will eventually fall in love with an ugly man, but that what he looks like doesn't matter. My husband will not be physically divine, an idea that is easy to entertain at this age. For a moment, it's sad that I will not have a godly man to gaze at everyday, but in the next moment, I realize that that's okay, because it doesn't matter.

Movies poison us, absolutely trick us, into thinking that our soul mate is perfect -- everything we imagine, perfect in mind, body, and nature. But it's absolute bullshit. Everyone has problems and struggles, and a couple's ability to overcome them is what defines them. Not what they look like, not how easy they are to gaze at. But how one another feels when they are in the company of the other.

I felt alive like I never have before with these young men, my friends. I know that as I grow and mature, I will have many boyfriends and suiters. But the most unbreakable bond -- the one untested by romance -- is that of a true friend. At times during the day, the feeling in my chest grew and grew until I felt it would burst with love. It is the best feeling in the world; a drug that one cannot recover from. I want it more, and I'm planning to hit up again, tomorrow. Today is just one day, and I wonder what joys tomorrow will hold.

Do we really have problems?

2011-03-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

The other day, I read a book called One Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini, and it opened my eyes to a whole new world. The two women in this book live in Kabul, Afghanistan, through Soviet occupation, civil war, and the Taliban. While it is a heart-wrenching story, it is also a history lesson. During the Soviet's time in power, women had rights and power. They were going to college, acquiring government offices, and working as hard as men. Despite all of this, there was plenty of turmoil in the country. Foreign governments (including the US) funded Mujahideen to overthrow the Soviet Union. When they finally left, civil war took over the city of Kabul. Various warlords staked out in different parts of the city and bombarded the others to shreds. Years of this followed, so it's little surprise that the Taliban was invited in with welcoming arms. They were thought to be good muslims -- a bunch of boys who just wanted to carry out the Koran's word. But what resulted was oppression, violence, and death. The rules they imposed on women were incredibly restricting; women had to wear burqas in public, women always needed a male escort, women could not work, etc. Part of the justice system involved public executions and cutting off limbs for various kinds of crime. Drought and famine added to the agonies of everyday life. In summary, it was awful.

The problems that the two women in this book face dwarf mine into luxuries. For example, on of the women's mother commits suicide, after which her father sends her to a rancid man who rapes her repeatedly. Or the other one; her lover leaves forever, the day before her parents are bombed to chunks in front of her eyes. It makes me feel nauseous, when I worry about what to wear, too much homework, my phone is broken, etc.

I feel all teenagers should read this book to give them perspective on how blessed we are to even live in this country. When I walk the streets and see the homeless people on the sidewalk, or the poor, tattered man waking to work, I know that each and every one of them are better off than the citizens of Kabul were. It's hard to imagine that not too long ago, there were bombs flying and people dying left and right in such an advanced society.

It makes me even more thankful towards how lucky I am to live here. Imagine, not having anywhere to go and anyone to go to. Here, if something is wrong, I can always go to a teacher, a counselor, my parents, or even the police need be. But a couple years ago, the women of Afghanistan had nowhere -- absolutely nowhere -- to turn. They were required to labor through the years and bend to every last oppressive law men made for them.

So next time you're angry about the broken dishwasher, or the cost of gas, just think of how fortunate you are to be able to have these concerns, and that your most prominent thought is not the safety of your family.

Boy and Girl vs World

2011-03-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it feels as if we are alone in this word. That no one understands us, no one loves us, we can never fit in, etc. There are times when we need something, someone to relate to.
The xx is a band of four members, two of which are singers. Oliver and Romy can relate to us; they get it. The hushed, timid tone of the songs are so calming. Whatever worries we have fade away, and cease to matter. They make us feel like it's okay, that our problems don't really matter.
So if you're looking for an escape -- or just someone to listen -- start with Oliver and Romy. They know.

Sometime Around Midnight

2011-01-04T18:21:00.005-07:00

There are so many bands out there who would have butchered this song; absolutely ruined it. And there are so few who could make it amazing. The Airborne Toxic Event blows it out of the water. What may have been a shallow subject is deep and passionate by the singer's voice, strung high with emotion. The video below illustrates his desperation towards the topic, and how personal the event is.

The song is made not only to reflect a single event, but to express how desperately humans can love one another. Not only lovers, but a mother to a son, a priest to his congregation, a teacher to her class. Sometimes our love exceeds what we ever reckoned for, and it can brighten the world, or it can rip you in two. Another aspect of it, is how easily we can hurt the ones we love, and the ones that love us. The girl portrayed knows that they once had something special, and that it is still precious to him. Yet it is so easy for her to stab him through his heart in a single swipe. I love my parents, but sometimes, I love myself more, and the consequences can be staggering. As children, we have far more power than we know. Every little thing we do or say to our parents can have exponential effect on them. After it's over, I always regret it. Would the sequel to this song involve regret from the girl, or just cruel satisfaction? This is the piece we have the most power over. Choose wisely.

Sometime Around Midnight by Airborne Toxic Event

A larger family

2011-01-02T22:39:00.003-07:00

Within two hours of my home, we have a cabin in a ski town up in the mountains. Every weekend, we drive up to the resort to ski. This year, I’m on the Junior Ski Patrol and it has been an experience so much different and better than I could have imagined.

The ski patrol is like a family- there’s the blue jackets, or grandparents who look out for everyone; the redcoats which encapsulates moms, dads, aunt, uncles, etc. The Juniors are my brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, and nephews. Finally, the candidates are the little siblings, the babies of the hierarchy. It’s a shock to me, seeing as my family is fairly small, and man, do I love it! Whether or not I like every person, they have something to add to my personality, to my self. Joseph is an “experienced” patroller and has taken it upon himself to look out for us tender little candidates. He may not know it, but every second he takes out of his day to check on us, to greet us, or to help, is a blessing. Ron Gables is a lethargic ski bum, and his stories of travels, college, adventures, and things we may never experience can enthrall us for ages. Every person to take an interest in the candidates is a saint in our eyes.

But the most precious gifts of the system are the Juniors. Never in my life have I been surrounded by a group of people that I so thoroughly liked. Every single person has become a close friend who looks out for me too. The girls are compassionate, and teach us survival skills for the program. The boys are completely opposite, and yet, even better. They are eager, excited young men who let us learn things the hard – or fun – way. One girl may see relationship options - I just see family. What a wonderful thing- to go from my small family of four, to a support system of hundreds.

Fake books about the real thing

2010-12-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Just recently, I read the books Graceling and Fire by Kristin Cashore. They are both fantasy book that include some degree of magic and super-natural parts. But despite the unreality on the outside, the inside of these stories are very real.
Graceling is the story of a girl named Katsa who has been able to kill a man since she was a child. She sees herself as a monster, a brute, with no capacity of thought, carrying out the will of the cruel king. But then she meets Prince Po. He is similarly gifted, but with much greater insight to their world. With his help, Katsa learns the truth about herself and the difference between good and evil. This book was an amazing story about the power of friendship and self-discovery. Many parts of this book made me cry -- even weep -- with sadness or happiness.
Then Fire told the story of a girl whose extreme beauty and power over people -- men especially -- scares her so completely that she closes it in herself. But the kingdom is on the brink of war, and with the help of an understanding man named Brigan, Fire learns to control her power and use it for the greater good of everyone.
These books about strong women are so inspiring. I wish every girl would read these books, especially Graceling, to see our own worth. Society views love and sex as very trifle, insignificant things that come and go. But these books reflect the falseness of these statements, reflecting them as treasured and sacred, as they should be.

Who will remember?

2010-12-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

Just a moment ago, I was grueling through some biology homework, and my mind starts to wander a bit. I got to thinking about how my grandma was coming to town soon, then how my other grandma was deceased, and then I wondered who her grandma was. And who hers was. And hers. Then it hit me. I had no idea who my ancestors are past three generations. It was kind of sad. But what was worse, was when I reversed it. What if my great-great-grandchildren someday don't know who I was? What if everything I did today was someday forgotten? All this schoolwork, cleaning, exercising, eating, sleeping, all of that -- doesn't matter, because in 150 years, who will know? Who will care? If I could talk to them right now, I would want my great-great-great-etc.-grandparents to know that I care, and that I wish I knew. I hope that I can make a difference somewhere in this world, so that the future generations to come will know about me, and that everything I do now will matter in hundreds of years. It is a high privilege, and very few get the honor of it.

The beauty of love as it was made to be

2010-11-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I love songs that are true. Songs that tell you about partying, glamor, and degrading you based on your social status ("she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers": BARF) are so unrealistic. Not only could I have written them hanging from a tree making loud monkey noises, but they don't mean anything. They sing about the world we think we live in, the one that is an illusion. Take these lyrics, for example. I reckon they took experience, spirit, and heart to write them, not adolescent hormones.

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be.

This is so true, and everyone feels this cry from their heart to see the beauty he sings of. The only difference, is those who are patient, and those who are not. Friends of mine -- and others I know -- have already been through three, four, even five relationships. How long did they last? A few months if they were lucky. They are feeling this cry, but instead of letting it take its course, they are shoving it through their system, and looking for the love. As a result, they have multiple shattered friendships behind them and still the alignment is out of whack. Humans don't finish developing until their early twenties, not our teens people.
And what about me? How many boys have I held hands with? The answer is none. Is it because I'm a nerd? I doubt it. Maybe I'm socially awkward? Sure hope not. It's because I'm waiting for the cry. I have not yet felt its lusty tug, nor gone in search of it, and though I may not know how to write a breakup letter, I am better off than most of my peers. I am whole and undamaged, having not felt the loss of one whose affections I thought would never leave. Patience truly is a virtue.

These lyrics were from "Sigh No More" by Mumford & Sons

Now I know you'll be listening.....

2010-11-15T21:12:00.002-07:00

They may not be your favorite band in the world, but you know without any doubt, that they are the best band that you will ever hear. Do you think you know who I'm talking about? You probably didn't think it was Wilco. This band can do anything. They do everything. And they do everything better than everyone else. You want a rock song? Try Heavy Metal Drummer. A slow song? She's A Jar is one of many. "Upper" songs? ELT does the job. How about country? Just look at their album titled "A.M." But do you want to hear the best piece of music in the world? Impossible Germany. Just look at what it has to say-

This was still new to me,
I wouldn't understand.
Impossible Germany,
Unlikely Japan.
This is what love is for,
To be out of place.
Gorgeous and alone,
Face to face.

With no larger problems,
That need to be erased.
Nothing more important,
Than to know someone's listening,
Now I know you'll be listening....

How do you interpret these? There are so many things these can mean. I believe they are telling us, that people can find love in such unexpected places. In World War II, Germany and Japan were allies. Please set aside for a moment the atrocities they committed and look at it this way -- two countries that were as different and foreign to one another as they can be saw something in the other. They joined forces.
Is this not like two people, different as can be, finding love together? A doctor and a janitor; a 25-year-old and a 40-year-old; a black woman and a Chinese man; you name it. I see this song telling you to keep your mind open, because "this is what love is for, to be out of place." This song also preaches of two lovers listening to one another, because what the other has to say is very important, thus the jam in the second half. It represents all the communication that passes between two people, and how powerful is that? Every time I hear this song, it nearly brings me to tears. I hope you too will see how amazing this band is, and that they are right about everything.

"Impossible Germany" by Wilco

E A D G B E

2010-11-10T22:04:00.002-07:00

Today, I learned how to play guitar. Well, sort of. Rock stars make it look easy, but let me tell you; it's a rough start. To begin, let's make sure we have our terminology right- frets the spaces between the shiny metal bars where you push down, the neck is the long, narrow part where the frets are, and the body is the peanut shaped bottom that makes the sound. There's more, but let's go easy on us beginners. To strum, you run your thumb down the strings over the string hole, putting the same amount of pressure on each string to get an even, blended sound. Then, to play a chord, you need to place the right fingers over the right string in the right place on the right fret and strum on the right strings with your other hand. And not only that, but you have to make sure that your fingers aren't accidentally muting any other strings, pushing down hard enough, and in the correct form. PHEW! I'm done already! Why should I even play this thing in the first place? Well, everything we listen to these days has a guitar it it. Whether it be acoustic, electric, base (or is it bass....?) has guitar in it, so since I listen to music constantly in my life, I figured it a good idea to learn. I'll be playing rock songs in no time! Right. After about an hour, I have four chords down. Some involve one finger, two fingers, and all the way up to three and four. The strings have letters too, in the order of EADGBE. It's tough to keep them all straight, and I better get used to Mary Had a Little Lamb for a while here. But hey, Jimmie Hendrix isn't worshiped for playing a kazoo.

Today, I'll leave you with the comforting guitar of Ryan Adams with "Magnolia Mountain." (please notice that this link has an incorrect artist name)

Just the way you are....

2010-10-29T22:02:00.001-06:00

I know- it's a top ten song, so it's gotta stink, right? But I think this guy is special. Granted, I am a teenage girl and gullible to "feel good" songs, but maybe it's not such a bad idea to preach to teenage girls that they do look okay, and that they don't need to change themselves. With all of this shit going around with anorexia, drinking, teenage suicides and the whole lot, someone needs to be telling us that we're beautiful (No thanks, Snoop Dog, sorry we "can't all be California girls"). Too often these days, I see people trying to be someone they're not. It gets them to the better parties, the cooler friends, the whole nine yards. You don't need to do any of that to find your niche. This is what Mr. Mars is telling us (even if it is for the million dollar paycheck that will roll in), and he's darn right. His other song, "Count On Me," is a comforting tune for us emotional teenagers.

Stop telling us to change for you -- accept us for who we are, because that's what we need to hear. Media is all about telling the customer what we need to hear, but those things are changing every day. There is so much peer pressure to shop at these stores, to hang out with these people, to be people we're not. I'm thankful that there is someone out there who knows the right thing to be feeding us. Everyone else needs to learn the same thing.

Featured song: "Just The Way You Are" (but "Count On Me" is better) by Bruno Mars

Kings of Leon just keep changing my life.

2010-10-24T08:34:00.001-06:00

There are some bands out there who can have such a profound affect on your life. First you feel melancholy. Then the thoughts come on hard. Songs like Radioactive, Manhattan, and (yes, I know) Knocked Up open the floodgates to new thoughts and ideas whenever they come on the radio. Granted, some of the lyrics may not reflect the aura they cast, but listen to them. They make you want to change your life and make a difference.
It's strange how much music can affect your life. These songs make you feel deep; sad almost. It takes such depth and experience to write these things, but it also takes hard, raw, soul. If you listen to Caleb Followill's voice, you may notice that it's not groundbreaking. But the way he uses it can bring you to tears. He sings with so much feeling and emotion, and whenever a song of his comes on, people unconsciously stop talking and listen to it. They inspire people to reflect on things, and think deeper than your normal fleeting thoughts. So today, I'll post three songs instead of just one. Please take some time right now to listen to them -- they change my life every time I hear them.

Songs of today: "Radioactive", "Knocked Up", and "Manhattan" by Kings of Leon

So Alive

2010-10-17T20:02:00.001-06:00

I have some issues with my parents. Most teens do, or at least think they do. I don't have huge reasons, like she abuses me or anything, but they are existent nonetheless. The problem is that I grew up too fast. I've been self functioning since second grade. She never saw any of my homework or read any of my stories, because they were already done. With this behavior, came lots of freedom. I could watch TV most whenever I wanted, and I liked to spend a lot of time on the computer on pen pal sites and things like that. By middle school, she stopped checking on me before bedtime, and at first, this was awesome - I was a big kid now! But soon after, it became difficult, for she never presented herself to talk about important things, like friends, stress, or emotions. Whenever I felt impelled to approach her about any of these things, it always appeared that she was either too busy, too tired, or already taken by my (high maintenance) younger brother. So I kept these things bottled up and let them out on my friends, which I didn't have very much of, by the way. But my mom didn't know; we had never talked about it.
So through middle school, I had to grow and develop myself without parental guidance. Whether by nurture or just pure luck, I think it worked, and it makes me the person I now am today. She still doesn't talk about things, though I do try sometimes. Days like today though, get me worried that there is something wrong, or that maybe she is depressed. I'm learning how to drive, you see. We had to drive an hour away and an hour back for a function of mine today, and the whole way, she showed no sign of emotion. I like to keep a commentary going about the cars around me and what kind of moron they all are. She neither contributed to the conversation, nor reacted to it. If I were a parent, I think two hours in general isolation would seem a great time to discuss things, but no such things ever occur to her. Sometimes, it's like she's dead inside, and all she thinks she's here for is to feed our greedy mouths and clothe our ungrateful backs, but I need more from her. You may think this would exhaust her, but I think it would please her. If only she'd make herself available.... Parents: you are never too old to tuck your child in at night! I wish so bad that mine would once in a while.

Song of the day: "So Alive" by Ryan Adams (I'm trying new links and methods of making my songs available, so if this one doesn't work, go ahead and use the good ole Project Playlist version)

The high road is hard to find....

2010-10-13T16:28:00.002-06:00

Cause they know, and so do I
The high road is hard to find
A detour to your new life
Tell all of your friends goodbye....

What is the "High Road"? Today this question occurred to me many times as this song flitted through my head. Does it mean riches? Does it mean a life of excellent morals? High school may give this phrase different meaning than the rest of the world, so you older bodies may disagree;

The High Road, is for people who know how to be themselves. Sound shallow? It's actually a very hard thing to do at this age. I get up every morning and as I'm picking out my clothes, I automatically think "do people think I look stupid in this?" and every morning I catch myself and efface such thoughts. I'll wear what I like, thank you very much. I see people around me, who do not have this correctional mechanism; they like to shop where everyone else shops, and to wear what everyone else does. They are not expressing their personality, but rather reflecting everyone's around them. That is the easy road to take, but the high road is hard to find....

So if you are on "the easy road," blending in with your friends and submitting to the peer pressure to be like everyone else, take the next exit and begin driving towards The High Road. Stop befriending those who want you to be normal; Tell all of your friends goodbye....

A detour to your new life is staring at you. Right here, right now. Are you on board? Can you find The High Road?

Song of the day: "The High Road" by Broken Bells

We're in the driver's seat

2010-10-08T19:23:00.001-06:00

I think we all know that teens can have very fluctuated images of themselves; even me sometimes. We think we are invincible. All of the things we learn about drugs, DUI's, sex; we think none of these things can happen to us. Today I got my driving permit. My thoughts beforehand were "this will be easy," and "I know how to do this, I drive in a car everyday." But after immediately forgetting my seatbelt and almost running a stop sign, I realize how wrong I was. There was so much to think about - seatbelt, street signs, pedestrians, cars parked on the side of the road, headlights, speed limit, turn signals - it was overwhelming. It's in this sense that teens don't realize how much they need to pay attention to, that WE are in the driver seat, and that there are so many obstacles all around us. Some we swerve to avoid, but others we crash into head-on. Those are the ones you hear about the most; the teen pregnancies, and drunk students. The ones you don't hear about as much, are the ones about people who saw the kid run into the street a block away, and the ones who stop completely at stop signs, look both ways, and proceed carefully. The kids in Spreading Peace, Debate, and MESA (Math Engineering Science Achievement) are neglected, yet they're the ones with the headlights on.
We need to stop and look around, to see the nice houses and yards we're driving by, and to be careful of the other neighborhoods we may wander into, with molding roofs and sagging porches. Our generation holds so much more power then we believe. We're the ones to inherit the warming crisis, overpopulation, the digital age, and the crushing obesity rates. Can we do it? We'll just have to wait and see.

Rose

Song of the day: "If It's Love" by Train

Springfield High

2010-10-07T20:24:00.000-06:00

Let me tell you a bit about Springfield High; it is located on one city block in the middle of a lower class neighborhood. All around it are intact or decaying ranches, low income apartments, a dirty business district, and a drug haven disguised as a city park. Yet, my school is host to the sons and daughters of doctors, lawyers, and yes, even a rocket scientist. This environment gives you such a broad scope of the people out there. For example, one of my friends, Haley, gets most of her clothes from Target or secondhand stores, while Jaycee has yet to wear the same shirt twice this year. Sometimes, our differences surface unpleasantly. Just the other day, Jaycee was going out to lunch for the fourth time this week and egging Julie to come with. 'Come on, have some fun! This is high school; live it up." Haley finally snapped that she didn't have any money, and never would for something like that. Rather than being ashamed, Jaycee was annoyed that Haley didn't want to come.
Situations like this really reflect the kind of environment one was brought up in. Haley has always had to scramble and save for every little thing, while Jaycee had her possessions spoon fed to her mouth. It doesn't necessarily mean that one is greedy and the other is not. It's only that they know only what they've been taught. For one, it's "just ask and you'll receive (How It Ends by Devotchka)" and "work for what you want" for the other.

Writing a Blog that nobody will read

2010-10-06T08:40:00.000-06:00

What could be any better? I can see myself spending weeks and months writing and updating my blog, yet no one will read it. Why is this okay? I feel like publishing my thoughts online gives others a chance to know me, to know what it's like to be a teenager. If you want to know, here's your opportunity.

I am a freshman at an American high school- let's call it Springfield high. All around me, every day, I am seeing the results of peer pressure, self image, hormones, almost every teenager-ism occurs in Springfield, and I have to wonder how the media got so many things wrong. As I walk the halls, I don't see people who are 'popular' and others who are not. I don't separate the losers and the preps, the nerds and the jocks. At our school, it's cool to be a nerd. For example, the girls varsity soccer captain - Madison - is also the editor of the school paper. One of the football team's wide receivers won the MESA competition a few years back. And marching band is full of successful athletes in track, soccer, and volleyball. Springfield is not your stereotypical high school, but a place for you to be who you want to be, to do what you want to do, and to wring the last bit of fun out of your childhood.

I'm going to try to log on and add to this blog everyday, but at least once a week. We'll see. I have a busy schedule, so it might be interesting. My goal is to get a few readers- even three would be ahMAZing, but I know I am not yet a fully developed author, so that may even be shooting to high.

Until next time,
Rose